A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘men’

I chose not to be a victim

Just stumbled on that article about traumas :

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/what-is-your-belief-system-about-trauma.html

Objectively, I’ve experienced more traumas than the average person living in a free occidental democracy : multiple assaults and rapes, sequestration, bombings…
Yet I NEVER felt I was a victim. I’m not because I’m alive and never gave my aggressors the satisfaction to get what they actually sought.
None of those and none of them have taken their toll on me.

Feeling so led me to not generalize anything and to not believe because it happened once, it would happen again, with any other man or every time I would be under similar circumstances. Every story is a new story, with a new person. Every new story is a brand new experience.

I never thought “why me” and even less “I somehow deserved it”.
Facts are facts and neutral. As the article said, life is neither fair nor unfair. WE perceive it as such because we’ve been conditioned to believe if we are “good”, we will be rewarded, but if we are “bad”, we will be punished.
Nothing is more untrue, it doesn’t work this way. Look around you, you will see plenty of evidences of that.
As soon as you’ve integrated this idea, you’re saved. You understand those events are not related to you or your behavior, but totally random.

Your choice then to decide wether you will let them spoil the rest of your life and prevent you from living and enjoying it to the fullest or wether you will take them for what they are : random facts, experiences among others making you more knowledgeable, more skilled and capable to handle even more even better.

I know what my choice is. What is yours ?

The 3 keys to make him treat you like a lady

OK, you’re a self-confident, self-sufficient, successful woman. Yet you would really like men to treat you like the lady you are and be more considerate at times, wouldn’t you?
Good news, this is not that difficult. :)
You just need to understand a few simple rules and apply them. You’ll be surprised to see that not only do they work, but they will also lead the man to give you more than you expected.

kiss on the hand

Let him come to you and take the main initiatives.
Because you know what you want and can see the solution long before it comes to his mind, you may be very tempted to take the first step, give unwanted advice or even worse, do things yourself. Don’t !!
Show your openness, give hints about what you would like, make suggestions, but let him act. Be patient. :)
Leave him enough room to show what he’s capable of before you intervene. He must feel HE took every step and is in control, not you.
I don’t mean : “be a doormat” :D Take initiatives, just the right ones at the right moment, which will help him and show him you’re not stupid and can be resourceful when needed.

Let him subtly understand what you expect from him.
On that purpose, behave like a lady. :) Give him opportunities and don’t cut the ground from down his feet. You want an attentive escort, so let him serve you.
I’ve never dated any man who wouldn’t open doors and car doors for me, spontaneously lend me his jacket when I was cold, go and get me something I needed, make compliments, and not only on my appearance, etc… Simply, don’t do it before he does and you’ll get it. :D

Act simply and naturally, be sincerely nice, feminine, fun, show your appreciation with a gracious smile, thank him and that’s all.
Why try to impress him anyway ? He will be enough. Self-confidence and personality show through no matter what. He will appreciate you didn’t throw your outstanding skills and achievements right to his face on top. :)

Never give him more than he has given you.
Of course, be nice and reasonably considerate, subtly entice him, show genuine interest by listening and asking intelligent questions. Don’t talk too much about yourself though. He will realize soon enough what an amazing woman you are and will then appreciate your discretion. Plus your reserve will tickle his curiosity, you will entertain that essential part of mystery which will keep him interested in you.
You deserve consideration, you’ve given him your attention, his turn now.
You may expect your thoughtful remarks and gestures will eventually touch him and he will realize how lucky he is to have met you. That would be a mistake. he would think you’re satisfied, when you aren’t. Therefore, as long as he has actually done nothing specific for you, you shouldn’t do too much, if ever, for him.
If he doesn’t respond or give back, send him straight to the discard pile : either he totally lacks empathy or he doesn’t care about you enough. At any rate, he’s not a good catch. His loss, not yours…

All that may sound awfully old-fashioned, you must remember though that most men actually ARE old-fashioned on that matter. :D
They struggle enough with feminism, they’ve lost their marks and are not sure any more of how to behave and what to do. Don’t compete, give him a chance to take care of you instead.
In that context is the old-fashioned way is the most efficient : make him feel like a gentleman so that he can treat you like a lady. :)