A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘looks’

Why to be stunningly hot or ugly can be your best bet

Yet another proof, in my opinion, the better you have come to terms with yourself and can shamelessly flaunt it, the better outcome you will get. Your flaws are actually your assets. They make you stand out. The most successful women are those who stand out. You love them or you hate them, they leave nobody indifferent though. They won’t be ignored, therefore will get the most valuable messages and contacts from really interested men than the “just cute” ones.

The article below demonstrates, from objective data, that :
– the more men as groups disagree about a women’s look, the more they end up liking her.
– guys tend to ignore girls who are merely cute.
– and, in fact, having some men think she’s ugly actually works in woman’s favor.

Curious to know why and to catch a glimpse of how the man’s brain works sometimes? Read below… ;)

What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.” (Jean Cocteau)

“http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty/”

Your thoughts ? :)

To look your best, focus on your best !

Too often complexes women (and men!) carry about their physical appearance shatter their self-confidence. How sad, when it could so easily be otherwise!
We all have something about it we don’t like or would like different. Nobody’s perfect, right ?
I could make a whole lecture on self-acceptance, etc… to solve that issue. All good pieces of advice.
But there is a truth that works better and every time : what you focus on about yourself, others notice. What you forget about, they overlook. So basically simple! :)

Most of the time we wrongly assume that others see us with our eyes. Of course, it is not true. They are not us and come from another place. They don’t think with our mind, but theirs, their tastes, priorities and criteria are different.

I shall write another article about projections, because projections are a key issue.
Once you will have understood how they work and why they are so effective, you will see how easily you can improve your life, relationships and communication in many ways.

But for now, a few simple tips :
– Remember you are not a matter of only one or two physical features, you’re much more than that. What may look a big thing to you often appears as a detail to others.
– Never mention what you consider a flaw of yours when you seek to charm someone. Why deliberately bring his (her) attention to anything you would like him (her) to forget about unless you seek to self-sabotage.
– Focus on what you like instead. Yes, there is something in your appearance which you like. :) Think again… Your smile? Your eyes? Your hair? Your hands? Your feet? :D OK. So, from now on, think: “I am my smile”, “I am my eyes”, etc…. This is magic. Because it will change your own perception of yourself, thus the others’ perception of you.
– Of course, you’re not a matter of that only either. But if you catch somebody’s attention, better it be on what you consider the best part of you because it is what they will remember. ;)

When you focus on just one or two things in your anatomy which bother you, you implicitly send out the message that this is what you are. Deep inside, you know this is not true, don’t you? So, why not focus on what you like instead and send out the message you’re the best part of yourself? :)

It may require a bit of conscious thinking before it becomes a reflex and a second nature. It will happen sooner than you may believe though. Particularly when you can see the outcome of this simple switch in your thinking and perception.

You will seldom get a second chance to make a first good impression, so why not try this right away ? :)

What does to be “pretty” mean exactly?

Anglo-Saxon women and American women in particular seem to assume these issues are universal when they are not. For a French and many Europeans, that video makes no sense at all. We have another definition of “pretty”.
And, from my experience, American men seek nothing different in a woman than French or European men in general. It is all a huge misunderstanding making American (Canadian, Australian, British) women’s life unduly complicated and even sometimes miserable when it hasn’t to be so, in my opinion.

What makes a woman pretty for us then ?

ATTITUDE

A pretty woman is self-confident. If she’s not quite yet, at any rate, she wants to be loved and appreciated for who she is, not because she will meet specific standards.
She is her main referent
She doesn’t spend her time comparing herself to others, she doesn’t feel she’s in a constant competition
She feels good with who she is, despite not everybody may like it
She has a sense of humor and can also afford to laugh at herself, should the case arise.
Therefore she’s usually smiling, open and more tolerant than most
She’s not afraid to express herself. If she’s shy, she makes it cute (another asset).
She doesn’t wonder how good she is in bed. She’s spontaneous and natural. After all, guys don’t go for girls they’re not attracted to, are they ?

LOOKS

She cherishes her small flaws and knows how to turn them into assets
Like many, she’d rather be slim, have a smooth skin and beautiful teeth. It is as much, if not more, a matter of health as of appearance though.
She carries herself and her differences naturally and with ease
She doesn’t have to be classically beautiful, she’s got charm. Much more powerful !
Whatever she wears, says or does is yet another occasion for her to show her personality and stress her uniqueness
She considers fashion as a source of inspiration. She wouldn’t copy though, she would create her own look, picking ideas here and there and improving them her own way. Nothing worse than to look like your neighbor or any movie star’s clone ! :(
She wears what she likes and fits her.
She doesn’t need to wear sexy clothes to feel sexy. If she does, it is because she’s in the mood for that.
She doesn’t need a lot of make up. Actually, she could wear none at all at times (no bad surprise in the morning, guys!). When she does, it is because she likes it this way or because the fancy strikes her and she wants to have fun.

Pretty rhymes with personality and self-acceptance.

It doesn’t mean though, a pretty woman would seek no self-improvement. Only she would do it for herself first and foremost. And she would at all cost preserve what makes her unique and special.
Polls show that French women score higher than American women on having a positive self-identity, and culture is a big factor. American women too can take charge of the woman in the mirror, rather than leaving her to everyone else for fixing.
Fortunately, this is something you can learn and I offer to help. :)

Have you ever faced that issue ? Which definition of “pretty” does appeal to you the most?