A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘internet dating profile’

Why to be stunningly hot or ugly can be your best bet

Yet another proof, in my opinion, the better you have come to terms with yourself and can shamelessly flaunt it, the better outcome you will get. Your flaws are actually your assets. They make you stand out. The most successful women are those who stand out. You love them or you hate them, they leave nobody indifferent though. They won’t be ignored, therefore will get the most valuable messages and contacts from really interested men than the “just cute” ones.

The article below demonstrates, from objective data, that :
– the more men as groups disagree about a women’s look, the more they end up liking her.
– guys tend to ignore girls who are merely cute.
– and, in fact, having some men think she’s ugly actually works in woman’s favor.

Curious to know why and to catch a glimpse of how the man’s brain works sometimes? Read below… ;)

What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.” (Jean Cocteau)

“http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty/”

Your thoughts ? :)

How your presentation can sabotage your chances in on line dating

Most websites offer the option to give general info about you, your situation, hobbies, etc… beside the introduction text. Make sure you’ve filled it out. Of course, you don’t need to answer ALL the questions. Yet, although it will not always systematically rule you out, no answer or a blank one may not always play in your favor. Avoid anything which can lead people to think you’ve got something to hide.
It can also look like you didn’t take it seriously enough. If you can’t even find enough time to correctly fill a profile out, you allow people to question your level of investment.

Although of course you’d better choose the right bait to catch the right fish (please see : https://getthefrenchtouch.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/first-steps-to-settting-an-efficient-on-line-profile/), a few elements will prevent you from jeopardizing your chances to attract somebody interesting.

Perfect spelling, grammar and punctuation are a must. You have plenty of time to reread it, have it reread, etc… So, no excuse there. You writing in a foreign language is not an excuse for mistakes either, in that context, for the same reason.
No text language. Beware of online translators as well.
The page formatting is also important. Make paragraphs, please! Your text will be easier on the eyes and your ideas will look clearer than the average. This is for the form.

Put whatever you have to say in a nice, clear and positive way. (see: https://getthefrenchtouch.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/reformulate/ , please).

Ladies, if your photos look attractive enough, many men won’t even bother to read your introduction, no more than the rest of your info, beside maybe your age and location. You can easily tell they would take every chance hoping somebody good-looking enough will reply.
An easy way to see if they’ve read your info and intro is to ask a specific question or mention something very specific about you they shouldn’t miss and they can refer to in their first message to you. If they don’t, chances are they’ve just skipped it and are not that interested in getting to know you specifically. No need to waste your time on them then.

Gentlemen, women, unlike you, will pay much attention to details and what it is you have to say, regardless of how good you may look. They are sensitive to words and won’t jump into a story only because your photo is attractive. They will want to know more and make sure your personality matches your looks. Most women will go through all the different categories so that they can pick as much as possible info about you.
Remember the attractive ones get tons of email every day. To catch their attention, you need more than just good photos. If your intro is not up to the rest of your profile and doesn’t stand out nor make the ladies feel like getting to know you, you’re doomed.
Should you look like Apollo reincarnated, if your text is not up to your photos, you jeopardize your chances with the worthy ladies.
Whereas, if you look just average, but your intelligence and your personal qualities show through your writing, they may think twice before casting you out and send you a note because, at the very least, they can expect to communicate on an interesting enough mode.
So, to attract the best ones requires a little effort and work on your text.

Show some creativity, please.
Unless it is very unusual and a big thing in your life, all that is otherwise mentioned in your profile is often not worth being repeated. It looks as if there is nothing else you can talk about and lets expect no real fancy conversation. Not very appealing, is it?
Too strict requirements about who you seek you may believe show you know what you want, if sounding like warnings will only show your lack of flexibility. As an outcome, they may make you miss good opportunities.
As can a big hiatus between your requirements and what you’ve got to offer. Keep your expectations realistic, please. :)

Bragging is no better than complaining. Histrionic or depressive personalities are not the most appreciated. Show your best face. Don’t lie though if you seek a lasting relationship.
Try to sound balanced, with a slightly wild side. Humor is good if subtly handled.

Stick to the essential and leave room for further discovery. No need to write your biography ! ;) A long text will discourage many to extensively read it. 10 to 15 lines are far enough, in my opinion.
Show what makes you different from others. Why should people contact you? What makes you so special they should pay attention to you? Your text should tickle the reader’s curiosity and interest, make him (her) smile. Create something of your own, keep your text understandable though.

OK, this is an introduction. A few gentle and engaging words about who you seek can’t hurt though. To show interest in the other person and open doors are always welcome. Ask few questions about her (him), for instance.

If you’re not a good writer, ask a coach or a friend for help. Every man and woman is different, yet few things are complete turns off to almost all of them.
Make sure to reread your text with a critical eye.

And last but not least, end your intro with something which will help your potential contact to bounce back and start a conversation. :)

How photos can sabotage your on line dating profile

Depending on your target, you may personalize the following advice a bit. I assume in that post that you’re looking for a serious relationship and to attract quality people. Yet most rules apply to any profile, should you be a man or a woman.
Profiles with photos get more answers than others. Resist the urge to post any picture at hand that could go against your purpose though. Better post none right away than any which wouldn’t fit. A judicious choice of photos is paramount. Most, particularly men, will skip your profile if your image doesn’t appeal to them. So, to take photos especially for your profile is well worth the (little) effort.

Wear clothes you feel comfortable in, which will enhance your physical assets and skilfully hide your flaws. I don’t mean “cheat”. I mean “be smart”. :)
Gentlemen, look neat. Women have an eye for details. :D Bare chests, big golden chains, sunglasses, hats, open shirts, anything looking mannish in the old-fashioned way can be fatal. Photos of you in the mirror are of poor quality and poor taste. Better ban them absolutely ! A fashionably casual look is probably the safest choice. :)
Ladies, keep those sexy pics for your man when you’ve got one. No doubt they will attract the men’s eyes. Should they seek a long-term or serious relationship though, they may not appreciate half of the planet could have used a photo of you in your bikini as a screen saver. Be subtle. Suggest, don’t show. It is much more effective ! ;) Avoid overdressed attire, big jewels and heavy make up. Keep it simple and as natural as possible.
For God’s sake, don’t stereotype yourself ! People seek to get an as accurate as possible idea of what you look like in real life. Better be a good surprise than a disappointment when you eventually meet them in the flesh. ;)
Look lively. Standing like a picket fence in front of your garage door is not the most appealing. Shoot a lot of photos. If you’re not familiar with pausing, you will relax as the shooting goes and get better and more natural snapshots and have plenty to select from in the end. A natural daylight on a nice day, in the morning or end of the afternoon, is the best. The noon sun flattens the image. Flashlights harden the expression. Beware of unwanted shadows! Hire a friend or use a timer or a remote.
Eventually choose the photos which show your personality the best. The purpose is not for him (her) to mistake you for a fashion model. You should eventually look like a NATURALLY attractive REAL person.
When it comes to the selection, step back, ask for trusted friends’ advice, preferably of the other gender, and use your common sense. Think of what turns you off in others’ profiles and don’t make the same mistakes !

The viewer rightly expects:
Recent good quality pictures If you’ve got no decent camera, better borrow one. Cell phones and 5 minutes photo machines usually give poor results.
You may regularly update your photos, by the way. They will attract new people, plus those who may not have noticed your first ones, may have a second thought and check your profile again. The photos don’t need to be professional, though ruthlessly discard any over or underexposed, blurred, out of focus or centring ones.
Ideally, you would display: a portrait, a full-length picture and, though optional, a few ones of you enjoying any activity you’ve mentioned in your text.

dot steven

The portrait : usually and logically, your main photo. That little thumbnail people will see when browsing profiles is what will make them “click”…or not. You seldom get a second chance to make a first good impression, so carefully choose this one. :)
The viewer should feel you’re looking at him (her) and speaking to him personally. The most efficient is to look at the camera and smile. Attractiveness doesn’t lie in made up perfection, but in what I call “the twinkle in the eye”. Picture the man (woman) of your dreams standing right there in front of you and seduce him. It will show through the photo, just like you can hear a smile on the phone. :)

The full-length picture : pay attention to the background. You may slightly touch it up to remove something unwanted. Make sure though you’re skilled enough to smartly and properly do it. If you’re not, ask someone more competent or pick another photo.
Carefully mind obvious mistakes like somebody else’s hand on your shoulder, around your waist, or a bit of somebody else’s hair or foot on the edge. Cropped pictures are seldom a good option, unless it is to improve the centring and even though, be cautious if you’re not an expert.
If you take the photo inside, particularly in your home, choose a somewhat neutral background. Your interior decoration can tell a lot about you and not always for the best! A bit of greenery can’t hurt, or an open background, in your garden or some not too crowded place. A cluttered background will compete with the main figure. It will distract the viewer from what you want him to focus on : you.

Other pictures : You can display several photos of you enjoying activities. This is where you can show different facets of you. Beware though, it can be tricky! Better make them match your profile assertions. Beware of inconsistencies and mixed messages.
In my opinion, to display photos of you with your children is not a brilliant idea. You never know where they will end and you may save them for the persons you’ve already connected with.
Gentlemen, regardless of how much you can cherish your car, mansion, motorbike, yacht, truck, know that they will not convince many women to contact you. Such a display looks fishy to most, as if you had to make up for a lack of anything they consider more important than your social status. It may well be interpreted as narcissism, beside by gold-diggers. If this is who you seek, then, perfect. :) To the others though, it is a total turn off more often than not.
Ladies and gentlemen, photos with persons of the other gender usually puts off any potential partner. If your other photos show your attractiveness, your contacts will soon assume you can pick your choice any time among all your suitors. No need to hit it on the nail! :D

The key word is, as always: balance. Don’t show too much, only what makes you different in a positive way and is the most representative of who you are in real life.
If you can find nothing definitely positive and representative to show in the last category, abstain.
Too many photos are not always a plus, in my opinion. Better three or even only one very good portrait of you, than half a dozen of so so pictures. Remember people will be able to watch them closely, at leisure and every bit of them can reveal something you’d rather not display for all to see.

Wouldn’t it be handy to have photo-checkers, like we have spell-checkers ? :D

4 questions you should ask before filling out a dating profile on line

How to set an attractive dating online profile ?

As a women, you’ll probably get many answers whatsoever. How does it sound though to waste your time hitting the delete button, or, worse, discuss with somebody who doesn’t match what you look for ?
As a man, you will probably seek to get answers to your email and messages and make a point in not systematically ending on the discard pile, right ?

There are steps to follow and mistakes not to make to fill out an attractive and efficient profile. An efficient profile is the one which will incite quality people matching your requirements to contact you.

Browse and read a few profiles first. Of both men and women. It will help you see where you stand and what those you’re attracted to are looking for. Plus you can always pick a few good ideas along the way.

To set an efficient profile, you may :
#1 precisely define and know who you want to attract
#2 know what may attract those persons, what they seek
#3 be aware of your assets and flaws to be able to keep your expectations realistic, enhance the positive, minor the negative (I don’t mean “lie”, OK ? ;))
#4 put yourself in your target’s shoes, so that you can use convincing and appealing arguments to him (her), in other words talk a talk they will understand and appreciate (this is worth for photos as well).

There is more, but these are the basics.

I shall post more tips as the blog goes. Stay tuned ! ;)

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