A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘confidence’

I chose not to be a victim

Just stumbled on that article about traumas :

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/what-is-your-belief-system-about-trauma.html

Objectively, I’ve experienced more traumas than the average person living in a free occidental democracy : multiple assaults and rapes, sequestration, bombings…
Yet I NEVER felt I was a victim. I’m not because I’m alive and never gave my aggressors the satisfaction to get what they actually sought.
None of those and none of them have taken their toll on me.

Feeling so led me to not generalize anything and to not believe because it happened once, it would happen again, with any other man or every time I would be under similar circumstances. Every story is a new story, with a new person. Every new story is a brand new experience.

I never thought “why me” and even less “I somehow deserved it”.
Facts are facts and neutral. As the article said, life is neither fair nor unfair. WE perceive it as such because we’ve been conditioned to believe if we are “good”, we will be rewarded, but if we are “bad”, we will be punished.
Nothing is more untrue, it doesn’t work this way. Look around you, you will see plenty of evidences of that.
As soon as you’ve integrated this idea, you’re saved. You understand those events are not related to you or your behavior, but totally random.

Your choice then to decide wether you will let them spoil the rest of your life and prevent you from living and enjoying it to the fullest or wether you will take them for what they are : random facts, experiences among others making you more knowledgeable, more skilled and capable to handle even more even better.

I know what my choice is. What is yours ?

Want to brighten up your world? REFORMULATE

reformulate !

“Your thoughts create your reality”, “True beauty comes from within”, “You are what you think”… Who has never read or heard those assertions ?

In other words, if you want to change your current life, you must change who you are inside first. Easier said than done. Where to begin with ?

The good news is you can change from the outside and get the same result. :)

Ever noticed how a new haircut, a new dress, good news, being in love can improve your mood and outlook on life? All of a sudden, the world looks bright, you feel good. Because you feel good, you smile, hold your head up and feel like hugging everybody. Consequently, you look more self-confident, people are attracted to you and you would answer positively.

Do you go to the hair stylist’s everyday ? Do you buy new dresses every day ? Do you hear only good news all the time ? Are you in love and floating on a pink cloud 24/7 ? Here again easier said than done. :)

But there is something you can do 24/7, 365 days /year, which is always available, costs nothing and proves very effective: REFORMULATE.

Of course, you know the classical story of the half-full, half-empty cup. The cup itself is just a cup. It is the way you see it which gives it its meaning.
You can always see anything as positive or negative. Both are equally true, they describe the same thing. A difference in your outlook can drastically change the outcome though.

One effective way to see the cup half-full and the brighter and more positive side of things is to watch your words.
Ban “not” from your vocabulary. Use positive, affirmative expressions. Any negative sentence has a positive equivalent.

Try it, it’s easy. When something upsets you or puts you down, take a sheet of paper and write your thoughts down.
Then reread your text and reformulate it using only positive assertions.

“I can’t do that” becomes “I will do that”
“I’m stuck in the traffic jams again” becomes “Wonderful ! I’m offered an opportunity to finish this book now and know who the murderer is !”
“Things like this happen to me only, I can’t believe how unlucky I am !” becomes “Yet another experience. Great, I’ve learned something today. Next time, I shall know how to handle it”

The list is endless, you get the idea though.
Don’t let your thoughts wander in the future, focus on the now and on the reformulation. Progressively, as you write, your stress will fade away, you’ll feel more optimistic and confident, thus more able to turn what comes next into something positive for you.
Only because reformulation will have helped you focus on the half-full cup. This will impact your mood, thus your behaviour and even your look. It will impact the way people see and perceive you and your response to upcoming events. All in a positive way, of course. :)

You may have to think a bit at first. But, sooner than you believe, it will become a second nature, you will realize the switch in your thoughts has become automatic.

Your world will become a fairy tale overnight but your attitude will change, and your attitude impacts others’. A positive attitude has a positive impact and attracts positive people. It is a virtuous circle. :)

The method may sound so simple it is silly. I’ve used it with many clients though. Sceptical at first, since they were coming from a place of negativity, they eventually couldn’t believe how quickly that little “trick” could effectively work.

Just try it and let me know what happened. ;)

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