A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Anglo-Saxon women and American women in particular seem to assume these issues are universal when they are not. For a French and many Europeans, that video makes no sense at all. We have another definition of “pretty”.
And, from my experience, American men seek nothing different in a woman than French or European men in general. It is all a huge misunderstanding making American (Canadian, Australian, British) women’s life unduly complicated and even sometimes miserable when it hasn’t to be so, in my opinion.

What makes a woman pretty for us then ?


A pretty woman is self-confident. If she’s not quite yet, at any rate, she wants to be loved and appreciated for who she is, not because she will meet specific standards.
She is her main referent
She doesn’t spend her time comparing herself to others, she doesn’t feel she’s in a constant competition
She feels good with who she is, despite not everybody may like it
She has a sense of humor and can also afford to laugh at herself, should the case arise.
Therefore she’s usually smiling, open and more tolerant than most
She’s not afraid to express herself. If she’s shy, she makes it cute (another asset).
She doesn’t wonder how good she is in bed. She’s spontaneous and natural. After all, guys don’t go for girls they’re not attracted to, are they ?


She cherishes her small flaws and knows how to turn them into assets
Like many, she’d rather be slim, have a smooth skin and beautiful teeth. It is as much, if not more, a matter of health as of appearance though.
She carries herself and her differences naturally and with ease
She doesn’t have to be classically beautiful, she’s got charm. Much more powerful !
Whatever she wears, says or does is yet another occasion for her to show her personality and stress her uniqueness
She considers fashion as a source of inspiration. She wouldn’t copy though, she would create her own look, picking ideas here and there and improving them her own way. Nothing worse than to look like your neighbor or any movie star’s clone ! :(
She wears what she likes and fits her.
She doesn’t need to wear sexy clothes to feel sexy. If she does, it is because she’s in the mood for that.
She doesn’t need a lot of make up. Actually, she could wear none at all at times (no bad surprise in the morning, guys!). When she does, it is because she likes it this way or because the fancy strikes her and she wants to have fun.

Pretty rhymes with personality and self-acceptance.

It doesn’t mean though, a pretty woman would seek no self-improvement. Only she would do it for herself first and foremost. And she would at all cost preserve what makes her unique and special.
Polls show that French women score higher than American women on having a positive self-identity, and culture is a big factor. American women too can take charge of the woman in the mirror, rather than leaving her to everyone else for fixing.
Fortunately, this is something you can learn and I offer to help. :)

Have you ever faced that issue ? Which definition of “pretty” does appeal to you the most?


Comments on: "What does to be “pretty” mean exactly?" (7)

  1. I agree. Charm and personality are much more attractive than Barbie looks.

  2. I completely agree. The marketing ploys of fashions and fads aren’t really very meaningful. If there’s no “there” there, a woman becomes a doll.

  3. LOL I left the comment on a different page

  4. Lyona said: 12/12/2010 at 3:58 am
    Dot, I love your blog-Thank you!
    The video and your thoughts about “pretty” are awesome. Yeap…There are myths to overcome, which had been blended through TV, media etc. Not only in USA -Russia as well.
    The woman that been inspiration to me – Coco Chanel (here we come French She was not that “typical pretty”. And look how she impacted the world, the society!
    Self confidence is definitely the necessary ingredient in ““je ne sais quoi”
    Talk to you later:)

  5. @Lyona : I’ve copy-pasted your comment here for more convenience. ;)
    I agree that Coco Chanel is a perfect exemple of what makes a woman really “pretty” for us. She was not classically beautiful, she was more than that. And that’s what is sought here by a majority of women.
    What makes you be “yourself” and special is highly valued, much more than whatever would make you fit specific standards which wouldn’t be yours.
    Self-confidence doesn’t come out of the blue. When you’re a child, your parents’ image of you is paramount. On that aspect, the video is very revealing of the cultural differences. Most French mothers would not think in those terms : “fixing” ? What is to fix ? Your difference makes you “you and that’s seen as an asset here. You would value, enhance and use it to your benefit, to stand out, not dismiss it.
    The influence of the media exist, I won’t deny it. Not in the proportions I’ve seen in the USA (and few other countries) though.

  6. @ Heidi : From what I know of you, you’re the perfect counter-example and exception to the US rule. ;)

  7. @Phil : Nice to hear a man’s opinion. :)
    Actually I got many, only on my FB profile, not on the blog. :/

    Funny how men jumped on the topic more than women… Wondering what it can mean…. :)

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